


When you're gone

by becomingawriter



Series: Real Love Series [4]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becomingawriter/pseuds/becomingawriter
Summary: Everyone is surprised when almost two years after get in the Navy reserves, Steve is reactivated with the SEALs on a classified mission.How will the team and your family react to living without his presence for a long time? And how will they react when he gets badly injured in that mission?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my new multi-chapter fic.
> 
> I've always wanted to see in the show Steve be reactivated with SEALs, but since that never happened and now after almost eight years it will not happen anymore, we can always create alternate universes in fanfiction.
> 
> This story will have everything that is characteristic of my writing, hurt and comfort, angst and a lot of complicity between Danny, Steve and the whole team.
> 
> I have very little knowledge about the US Navy and the SEALs, everything that is written in this story is fruit of research and reading of other stories that approach the subject, I hope not to offend anyone, even because I will not go into details, everything goes be duly generic to avoid absurd.
> 
> I hope you like it and I will try to post new chapters regularly once a week at least ok?
> 
> Let's go to the newest adventure of our favorite pair.
> 
> This happens around the end of the second season.
> 
> I don't own anything of H50, just taking your characters borrowed for fun and no financial gain.
> 
> English is not my primary language, so don't kill me by finding linguistic errors and inconsistencies. Including, feel free to correct me when you find something wrong.

* * *

He hears the beating of heart in his ears. He feels the blood trickling down chest and he feels the pain make himself known slowly. First, it's a strange pressure and out of place on chest, then a burn that starts small and suddenly takes the breath away, so there's pain. Intense, that blurs the vision and makes tears form in his eyes. _Shit_. He was hit.

Bit by bit he begins to take notice of what is happening around him. There is the controlled panic of a SEAL team being attacked and returning fire. He knows that should be there, helping his men overturn the enemy, but right now the simple task of breathing seems absurdly complex.

He struggles to remain conscious, at least this he can do. He thinks that should get up and duck somewhere before the heavily armed enemy kills him.

When he thinks of leaving his place a blurred face appears in front of him, painted in the camouflage pattern they all had before leaving the base earlier. Gently the owner of that face puts a hand on his chest and encourages him to stay quiet.

He knows his men. He knows they are competent. If he is saying without words that all is well and that he is safe, he believes and continues lying down struggling to keep himself breathing and alive.

He remembers that made a promise, to someone important in his life, a promise to come back alive, in one piece and at that time, he knows that has already broken one promise and sincerely hopes that at least the second he can fulfill.


	2. Shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super thanks to all who are following this new adventure.
> 
> Eight comments for such a short chapter is a record for me and I get ecstatic every time my cell phone vibrates with an AO3 notification.
> 
> Thanks also to all who help me by giving tips on mistakes and on better ways of writing some things that are English language customs and I do not know, you are simply the best.
> 
> For those who do not know me yet, English is not my official language and I'm studying, so there will be errors and I'm totally open to correcting them if you find some, I will not be upset ok?
> 
> Now let's get down to business.

* * *

Steve knew that despite he being in the Navy's reserves, being a SEAL was still his most important post. Not despising everything he had with Five-0, but it was clear to him that the Navy would always take precedence over the Government of Hawaii. 

Ever since he began his crusade in search of his father's killer and after his mother's killer and everything involving Wo Fat, being reimplanted had been stored in a place far in his mind. 

But today, what he thought was improbable happened. He was reactivated with the SEALs and from there three days would leave on a highly classified mission that even he did not know where it would be.

Danny would go crazy.

They never talked about the possibility of Steve being reimplanted in the Navy. But they both knew that this possibility hovered in the air under the Five-0 leader all the time. 

So, early this morning Steve's phone rang, a number he did not know and an authoritative voice on the other side said, with no room for discussion, that his reserve status had been changed to active and that he would be commanding a unit SEAL on a classified mission that would begin the following monday.

Hearing the call, all the blood drained from Steve's face, his lips fell asleep and he felt a strange chill run down his spine. He had been reactivated and what was once a pride, excitement and even joy, was now like an ice bucket thrown unexpectedly at the nape of his neck.

Thank God for Danny being in a run for Malasadas because if he was around, Steve would not be able to hide that something was very wrong. Damn it! That was why he had been so reluctant to marry and raise children, the possibility that he might be killed in his work with Five-0 was big, but it was much larger if he were reimplanted. Wars decimate more soldiers than crime in any American state.

Now he had one more worry about his shoulders before going to war that he knew would be terrible, that would bring his PSTD back on the sidelines because there will always be blood, deaths and lost friends. And now, if he were one of those lost lives, he would leave behind a widowed husband and three children without a father.

Not to mention that they were not yet officially married, they had only domestic partnership documents. Steve hoped this would be enough for the Navy to consider Danny as his husband.

Now, more than ever, Steve wanted the damn same-sex marriage law passed. Although the repeal of   _Don't ask, don't tell_ it's recent and some people still do not accept it.

He had not even warned Danny yet and he already felt like a bastard.

That was why he had never affectionated himself to anyone while active in the Navy. He did not want to leave anyone behind suffering his absence and possible loss.

He did not even have time to start processing all he needed to do from now on when his cell phone rang again. He looked at the screen to see the caller ID showing that the Governor wanted to speak to him. Great. It was all he needed now, but since Steve was never one to get away from his commitments, he answered trying to look as professional as possible, even though in his heart he was again that scared little boy his father had sent to Naval School a long time behind. 

“ McGarrett .”

"Good morning Commander, I'd like to see you in my office now." The governor's tone was odd. He knew that had not crossed the line recently, so he was curious about what might have left Denning unhappy.

“Yes, sir, I'm on my way.”

Danny had not come back yet. Good. So he would not have to explain anything yet. Maybe after he'd talked to the governor, he'd be better able to deal with the blond-haired hurricane that was his husband.

* * *

"Commander, please sit down." Denning said and his tone was very serious. What would he have to deal with now beyond the huge problem of his imminent implantation?

“Sir, something wrong?"

"Steve, I got a call from the high-ranking Navy this morning. I've been told that your reserve status has just been changed to active. I have been informed that I should put someone else in charge of my task force indefinitely. "

"Yes, I received the statement from my reactivation just now."

"How are you facing at this, Steve? I know you didn't expect a reactivation in the Navy. "

"I haven't had time to process everything yet. I received the call a few minutes before being called here."

"Right. I know you must be confused and you're going to need time to put your whole life in order before you leave, but I need to talk to you about the practicalities of Five-0 in your absence. "

It seemed cruel for Denning to bring it like that shortly after Steve had received the news, but Steve appreciated the decision, after all, the sooner he resolved bureaucratic aspects of his life, the sooner he could talk to his team, his husband and his children.

"I know that hierarchically, you put Danny as your second in command in the task force, but I also know that he's just a police detective and can easily have rank pulled by most of the HPD. I want sure he can command Five-0 as well as you, so I want to promote him before he takes the position."

Steve's eyes could not hide his surprise, while he was radiant to learn that Danny would receive the recognition he deserved for his exceptional work with Five-0, he did not want it to happen that way. Abruptly because he needed to leave for a while. But he knew he would have to do the best with what was being given to him. 

"That's great sir. He deserved that some time ago, "Steve said, trying to sound genuinely grateful.

"And why did not I receive a recommendation from you, as your boss and work partner for this promotion to happen before?"

Okay, now Steve was surprised. He always liked the way Denning was direct and had never been intimidated by him, but from time to time it was uncomfortable. 

"I ... I ... I thought a request like this could be interpreted in the wrong way ..."

"Did you think that if you recommended a promotion to Williams, I would interpret it as nepotism?"

Listening that out loud was frankly ridiculous, but that was precisely why Steve had insured the request.

"Yes, basically."

"Well, this is a subject I intend to discuss with you both when you are back, now we have more important things to define. As I was saying, Detective Williams will be promoted to Lieutenant, so he will have higher rank than most HPDs, which will make his job easier since I know he is not admired by some of them and I want Five- 0 continue to function as an elite."

Steve was very proud of that. Danny would be a lieutenant. High patent, which he certainly deserved and would do his job much easier and would make him receive the respect he was owed by all the law officers on the island. Not counting the substantial salary increase which would make any baseless attempt by Rachel to take Grace out of him much more difficult.

"He's going to be assigned to the Five-0's temporary head position and will report directly to me, just like you do today. He will have the autonomy to make all the decisions he deems pertinent to the cases and make use of all available resources just like you."

This was the normal procedure, in the Five-0 organization's hierarchy was clear, Steve commanded, in his absence Danny assumed, in the absence of the two Chin was the head. Kono would only be responsible if they were all out of the picture, which was very unlikely. This was not due to her lack of competence, on the contrary, Steve was proud of her, but rather because she needed some practical maturation yet, but that he knew it would happen much earlier than expected since she was above average since day one.

"Thank you sir.”

"Now I want to reaffirm you that while you're away protecting the rights of American citizens, I want you to know that I'll be looking at your family all the time, ensuring they have all the support they need to go through it with greater peace of mind."

Steve did not expect that. He imagined that Denning wanted to talk to him only about the practicalities of Five-0, not about his family so personally.

"I have demanded to your CO that Detective Williams and I, have been updated frequently on the progress of the mission, even though your character is completely confidential, we can know if you are well and if the mission is progressing as expected."

This really started to make Steve emotional. He had never had a safety net when on a mission. Many times no one he knew outside the Navy even knew that he was being implanted on potentially deadly missions. That was how much his life had changed since the day he met Danny wielding a gun for him in his father's garage.

"Thank you sir., I have no words to thank."

"It's the least I can do. I want you to go on your mission aware that your family is being cared for, I want you to be there cold-headed, to perform your work and go back in one piece to your loved ones, friends and all the people of Hawaii."

Steve was trying very hard now not to make a fool of himself in front of the governor, as tears sting behind his eyes with the unexpected words of support from the man in front of him.

"I know what it is to fear for the family, Steve. I'm a politician. I know I'm targeted by terrorists, opponents, criminals. And I think of my family living without me all the time, my wife, my children. So go in peace knowing that from one parent to another, I will take care of everything in your absence. They willn't be alone. Neither Five-0 nor your husband and your children."

And yes, surely that information would do him much, but much more tranquil during his implantation. His most treasured treasures would be secure and protected while he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may seem like things are going too slow, but we'll have more Danny in the next chapter, so inevitably more action :)


	3. How to tear a heart out of the chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading!
> 
> Another chapter of the new long journey in the life of our boys.
> 
> I hope you like it :)

* * *

Danny was officially worried.

He returned from his breakfast rush and saw Steve's office empty. He just hoped this did not mean that he had left alone and without any backup to investigate something. He would chew him for two hours if he had done it.

But then, Chin said that he got calls and went off in a daze without telling anyone where he was going.

Which sends the concern of Danny through the roof. Just like Chin and Kono.

In desperation, they tracked down Steve's cell phone to find out he was in governor's office. Safe, at least

But why was he called to Denning's office? And why did not he tell anyone? Or why he did not had a call-back for Danny telling him he'd be out for a while?

Mysteries of his husband's confused mind.

Mysteries that made Danny want to strangle him on a regular basis.

But then, when he almost have made a decision of interrupt the meeting of Steve with the governor when his cell phone touched and in the screen was a picture of the idiot he called love of his life.

"Steve for all that's most sacred, what's going on?"

_"Hey Danno, it's okay, I'm want to get you for an early lunch ..."_

"McGarrett cut the crap and tell me what's going on!"

_"I will say. During lunch. We can go wherever you want. "_

"Okay, now I'm officially in a panic. What did you get up to be wanting to buy me lunch? Where do I want?"

_I did nothing. Can not I want please my husband? "_

"No. You can't, after disappear for hours and don't deign to say where you were. Tell me now or I don't go outside of the HQ."

_"Danny ... please ..."_

Danny rubbed the bridge of his nose, he already had a headache full blow now. Surely whatever Steve would tell him at lunch was bad news. He knew his husband well enough to know that.

"Okay, I'm going. Where we go, I don't care if you tell me what the hell is up."

* * *

They were sitting at a table by the Kamekona's trailer because Danny could not go any further before he knew what was happening with Steve. They had made their standard orders for lunch and now Danny was seriously losting the patience to wait for McGarrrett to say why he mysteriously ran away from the HQ earlier after talking to anyone on the phone.

"Look Danny, I know you're going to blow me up when I tell you what's going on, but first I want you to know that I didn’t know it was coming and that I love you okay?"

Danny's eyes widened. Was serious that Steve was doing this to him? Giving some kind of life-changing news? What had happened?

A million sets began to dance in Danny's overactive mind.

Had Steve received any kind of call saying he was dying? Had he somehow dodged Danny enough to go to the doctor and find out he had a horrible illness? Was that it?

He thought everything was fine in their world this morning. Apparently he had been mistaken.

"Danny!" The blond detective came out of his somber reverie when Steve yelled at him. He'd zoned out.

"Are you okay?" Now Steve was worried. And that look made Danny explode in a memorable rant.

"If I'm fine? Of course I'm not well Steven! You simply disappeared all morning without even telling me where you were going! Then you show up and bring me to lunch all mysterious, what do you want me to think? Are you dying Steven? Did you find out you have an incurable disease and are you trying to make the news seem less terrible bringing me to eat shrimp? You are failing miserably! "Danny's tone began to catch everyone's attention on the beach. Steve looked apologetic to the people who were frightened by his husband's discourse.

"Danny! Calm down! I'm not dying, where did you come up with this crazy idea? "

"What could be so terrible that you can't even look me in the eye while you talk?" Danny noticed Steve's discomfort, he was not a detective for nothing.

"I was reactivated in the Navy." Steve decided to cut the evil down the line.

"What?" Danny was so perplexed that he thought he was going to have an aneurysm right there.

"One of the calls I received this morning was from the Navy telling me that I'm moving from reservest to active and I'm going to be reimplanted."

"No."

“Danny...”

"No, you willn't."

"That's not a friendly invitation, Danny. It's an order. I still belong to the Navy and we both knew I could be called back sometime."

"But you have a family now, you have children, you have Five-0. Aren't there other damn SEALs who can perform this mission? "

Danny knew that he was appealing to arguments that would lead nowhere, but he could not believe the damn Navy was wanting to take Steve away from him for some time, which could very well be forever if he died there .

"I've been recommended by several SEALs who will be on the team. I'll command the unit. "

"Oh this is fucking awesome to you, is not it? Return to command a SEAL badass unit. "The edge of rancor in Danny's words really hurt. If only he knew how painful it was for him to leave now.

"Danny I didn't choose to go on this mission, I was summoned. If I don't introduce myself on the appointed day I will be considered AWOL and be sent to court martial. I can drag the name of my family to the mud. After three generations serving with honor. I can't do this with my grandfather or my father. You need to understand. "

"And what are you going to do for me and the children, huh? And if you die there and we can't say goodbye? Doesn't that matter to you? "Danny had tears in his eyes and he did not care at this point if anyone was watching the second in command of the governor's task force crying.

"I know I'm going to hurt them with my absence or mark them forever if I don't come back, but frankly Danny what do you expect me to do?"

Danny sighed. He knew he was being irrational and unfair. He knew he had married a Navy guy, he knew that this guy was not retired, he was only in the reserves. Asking Steve to abandon who he was for most of his life was selfish to say the least. But his heart, this one did not want to hear the reason to say that he was making all this much more difficult and that his words of rancor were cutting in Steve like sharp daggers. But he could not help himself, he knew that Steve going out to the troubled regions around the world was very dangerous and potentially deadly.

"I know you can't do anything. I'm sorry, I just don't need to like it and find it heroic that you're going to risk your neck God knows where and for how long. "

Steve reached out to hold Danny's. Just like every time he was truly scared of something, his hands were two pieces of ice. Steve felt his heart squeeze.

"I can't promise you anything, okay? You're smart enough not to fall for empty promises, but I can swear to you, without fear of breaking it, that I'll be careful. I'll be the most careful guy out there because I want to go back home to you Danno, I want to get back to you all. I want to fulfill whatever they have in mind for me and I want to fly back to you ASAP. This I can promise you. "

Danny smiled a sweet little smile. He could only hope Steve that really took care of his life while in the midst of all the shots, grenades and bombs.

* * *

In the Camaro, returning to headquarters, Steve kept talking about the changes Five-0 would suffer while he was gone. Danny received the news that he would be promoted much less enthusiastically than Steve imagined.

"Aren't you happy to become Lieutenant?"

"Of course yes. But I wish it were in different circumstances. "

"Me too."

"Chin and Kono are going to be upset, too. And there are the kids, we need to talk to them today. "

"I know. Let's talk now with Chin and Kono and at night we'll order pizza and talk to them. We can have a movie night as a farewell ... "

"Don't say that."

"Don't say what?"

"Farewell ... this is not a farewell, it's a see you soon, why are you going back McGarrett or I'm going to go anywhere else and I'm going to drag your fat ass back okay?"

Steve smiled, because only Danny could say absurdities like these by looking absolutely serious.

"I know Danno. I know."

* * *

Back in the HQ, they find Chin and Kono talking around the smart desk. They should be doing checks on the cold cases they have. There are very few, but even Five-0 has cases that can not break.

They both met with a look of fear and curiosity when noticed Steve and Danny entering the bullpen somewhat tense.

Steve decides to get them out of their misery quickly and calls an emergency meeting in the conference room. The subject matter is official and important enough not to be treated in a place where anyone can reach at any moment.

After everyone is properly accommodated in their seats, Steve begins to talk.

"This morning I got a call from the Navy command informing me that I went from reserves to active with the SEALs. And also that I'm being implanted on a highly classified mission next Monday. "

Chin has his expression always calm and undisturbed slightly scared. Kono is more overtly emotional and has her chin literally down. The silence is almost sepulchral between them.

"I know it's a surprise, hell was one for me too, I didn't see it coming, but that means I'm leaving Monday without a return forecast and meanwhile Danny's the head. Orders of the governor himself. "

No one there would ever contest the fact that Danny is the second in command in the absence of Steve and Chin and Kono did not give a damn about who would be in charge of the task force, what really frightened them was to hear that Steve was leaving for the war.

"Wow ... I didn't see this coming, not for a moment."

Steve shook his head in agreement with Kono.

"The details were agreed with Denning. He promoted Danny to the lieutenant to avoid any problem with HPD. It has full autonomy from the moment I leave to make all decisions about cases and the use of available resources. You both respond to him until further notice. "

"That willn't be a problem, Steve.

"I know that. I also know it's going to be difficult when I'm away, but I trust you three with my life. So I'm sure you'll be fine. "

The three shook their heads in silent agreement. No one felt much in the spirit of conversation now.

They spent the next hour discussing the practicalities of the temporary change in command and when they finished Steve dismissed everyone for the day. There were no new cases and everyone could use some rest and a chance to reflect on everything that had happened.

Danny was a silent confusion. He was not angry, he was clearly hurt, deeply hurt by this unexpected turnaround. It hurt Steve's heart to see the love of his life so sad. But he vowed to protect his country one day and that oath was not something he did lightly.

He just hoped Danny could forgive him for what he knew would make him go through the next long months to come.


	4. It has never been so difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First a million apologies for the disappearance.
> 
> I know it looks like I left the boat but I did not. Things got extremely crazy at work and I did not have any free time to continue this.
> 
> Not to mention that I had a kind of blocking of the writer with this chapter. In the end it took a strange way and came out completely different from what I had imagined.
> 
> But it is here after all. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> I have another news, soon this story will be reviewed by a beta. All my mistakes with the language will be improved, I'm very happy :)
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who devotes part of their time to reading and commenting on my story, I'm very happy about it.
> 
> Just to clear things up a bit, two original characters will be quoted in this story, they are Sophie and John.
> 
> \- Sophie's the legitimate daughter of Steve. Your story is already being written, I must post as soon as the current story ends;
> 
> \- John is the adopted son of Steve and Danny, I already have the plot in mind, this story will come after Sophie's story;

* * *

 

Steve was sent to Naval School shortly after his mother died. 

At that time he did not understand why his father simply wanted to get rid of the two children without explaining why. 

This hurt him deeply and it was at this point that he began to develop the compartmentalization of feelings. He simply started to save the emotions in a place very well hidden in his brain. 

This helped him get through the training of the Navy and the SEALs with praise, because he never let his emotions dominate his reason. 

This worked very well until he met Danny. 

Danny was a guy who showed everything he felt in words, gestures and deeds. The guy was an open book when it came to feelings. 

After living with his Jersey partner for some time, Steve was beginning to learn to express what he felt in words and ask for something he needed more often. 

But no apprenticeship and no military training could prepare him for what he was about to do with his family. 

A huge, unknown grip formed in his chest as he watched his children chat excitedly about a movie they were watching. 

Whenever Steve followed a mission before, there was never anyone to warn, no one to leave behind and no one to worry about. Now he had a family, children, a partner who would be devastated by his departure. Now he could understand the anguish of his fellow sailors who had people waiting for them at home. That's how they felt about leaving someone they loved at home, not knowing if they would ever see them again. 

Surely he was seeing everything from another perspective now. A lot about that task would be new to him, starting with the need to have the conversation he was rehearsing since they picked up the boys at school, fed them with pizza and allowed them to watch television after bedtime. All this on a day of the week. 

Danny was extremely quiet, which was obviously a bad sign. From the moment he received the news of Steve's deployment he had closed down. This was breaking the heart of the SEAL, causing such suffering to his lover was something he would never forgive himself for causing. 

He had barely touched dinner, had not played the usual games with the kids, and had not taunted Steve the way he always did. Steve was starting to panic. A silent Danny was more terrifying than driving through a field full of IEDs. 

Taking a deep breath, Steve decided to remove the tape from the wound and deal with the consequences of the shot. 

"Hey kids, we need to talk about something." Steve begins to speak and immediately the three children look at him with eager glances. At his side Danny gives a long and painful sigh. _Stay_ _calm_ _Danno_ _,_ _otherwise_ _I_ _will_ _not_ _be_ _able_ _to_ _reach_ _the_ _end_ _of_ _it._ Steve thinks. 

"You know Daddy's a Navy SEAL, do not you?" Grace, smart as she is, immediately widens her eyes and gives an anguished cry: 

"No!" 

"Grace..." 

"No! I don't want you to go to war, people die there and I don't want to lose you!"  

The girl starts sobbing loudly and runs into Danny's arms who looks at Steve with the biggest betrayed look he has ever seen. 

When he tries to get up to talk to her, Sophie starts to sob too, just to see Grace cry. Immediately John goes into overprotective brother mode and runs to his baby sister. 

This is definitely going much worse than he thought. 

Everyone in the room is somehow upset with him. With his career, with whom he has been most of his life and he is not to blame, he can not simply turn his back on the Navy, he can not simply refuse to do what he swore to do someday.  

This is unfair to him. 

Danny is not helping, he is acting like a spoiled child and his annoyance is reflecting on his children. 

So Steve makes a drastic decision, he leaves. 

*** 

Danny is pissed off with Steve. 

Pissed off and not believing he just turned his back and left. 

The guy leaves the bomb on him and leaves. Leaving three scared children on the mat, who do you think he is? 

Now he needs to calm his kids and later he'll give hell to Steve. 

"Hey guys, enough of crying. No one died or will die here, let's stop panic." He just wanted to feel what he is trying to pass on to his children now. 

"Your dad was called for a mission in the Navy today, he's going to need to go and fight the bad guys soon. It's dangerous, I will not lie to you, but he did it most of his life and always came home safe, he is very good at what he does and he'll be careful because he wants to come home, he wants to get back to us okay? " 

The uncontrolled crying begins to die for calmer sniffles and then what Danny just said hits him like a ton of bricks. All that Steve was trying to tell Danny all along was that. That he would fight, but that he would do his best to get back to them, that now he had a huge reason to return in one piece. 

He has a family waiting for him. 

Danny closes his eyes feeling the biggest idiot on the face of the earth. 

He looks at Grace and she is drying away her tears. Sophie slept in the arms of John, who still looks frightened, but is busy holding his little sister. 

Suddenly, he feels a great lack of Steve. 

He needs to solve this crisis first and then he will locate his husband and apologize for being so insensitive. 

It should also be painful for him. 

It's the first time he's going to leave people who really care about him from behind. 

He became the father of Sophie and John less than a year ago. And Grace's father has only two. 

And now he needs to leave them for goodness knows how long. 

And they may never see them again. 

Okay, Daniel Williams, you ruined this very well this time. 

He sighs and goes on to explain the simplified version of what will happen in the next few days and how it will be during Steve's absence. More and more his heart squeezes at the thought of how his love must be suffering alone now. He just hopes he does not do anything stupid. 

*** 

After wiping away all the tears and putting everyone to bed successfully, Danny tries to call Steve and ask him to come home so they can talk how mature adults they are. 

Danny also knows that he needs to apologize for not being more understanding. 

But he only gets voicemail. 

Damn it! 

He's getting ready to call Chin and ask him to track his husband's location when his cell phone rings and it's a number he recognizes as HPD. 

His heart leaps into his chest. 

"Detective Williams." 

"Detective, this is Duke, I'm calling to let you know that Commander McGarrett had an accident just now." A pedestrian called 911 and we were informed, he's being taken to Queens now. " 


	5. The Fright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!
> 
> I'm alive and I did not abandon the boat.
> 
> The reason for my disappearance is that I am in a new job that is crazy and leaves me very little time to write, but I will finish this story ok? Do not worry about this.
> 
> Thanks to all the comments, I'll answer them soon, here's a new chapter in our story and I'm already working on the next so it's not a very long time until I can post.
> 
> And one more note for those who do not know me, I'm not American, my English is bad I know, I'm studying and writing fanfic as a learning project and it really has helped me a lot. I am open to hearing anyone who wants to help me with my mistakes, okay? I will not be upset if you point them at me, on the contrary, I will be very grateful.
> 
> Another thing, in my alternate universe Chin and Kono will be safe. I'll never let them go. I'm still very shocked by the direction of the eighth season and everything I've seen in fandom.
> 
> Now let's get down to business, I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

 

After receiving Duke's call, Danny went into trouble-resolution mode immediately. Then he could freak out, but now he needed to be in the hospital and find out what the hell was going on with Steve.

The  children were asleep so he could not just walk  out  the door and run to  Queens as  he wanted ,  before he needed someone to stay with them .

After thinking  for a  few  minutes  he called Kono ,  explained what was  happening  and she was  in  Steve's place fifteen  minutes later,  looking like someone who got up and left . Danny  loved his team  for  that sort of thing .

After assuring her that he would call  as  soon  as  he knew anything , Danny  rushed to his car and drove to the  hospital,  kicking himself mentally  for  being that kind of  idiot. He  had  no  idea  in  what state he would find  Steve  and this was  making  his heart pound anxious  in  his chest , in  the uncontrolled  urge  to not  miss Steve for a  Navy deployment he could have pushed his husband to  death in a  car accident .

Great  Williams . Danny  thought  as  he drove through the deserted streets of  Hawaii.

* * *

 

After reaching the  ER,  looking  for  someone who had heard from  Steve, a nurse  referred him to an treatment area where his husband was being patched .

As  he approached the place of attendance , Danny  heard the sweetest sound . Steve  claiming be  fine  and did not need to spend  a  night  in  an  ER  bed .

Danny  has never been so happy to hear that phrase  come out  of the mouth of his crazy husban d .

Danny  approached  Steve  who froze  in  the middle of his claim when he saw  Danny.

He  had  a  white bandage above the left eye that was slightly swollen and turning purple . The  doctor was also trying to convince him to put  a  sling on his left arm and let  a nurse  insert an  IV  into his hand .

Danny  felt the  rush  of adrenaline to leave his body suddenly  as  he looked at his husband who was fortunately well ,  just  a  little  beat  up ,  nothing they had not faced before .

"Danny?"  Steve  called when he noticed  Danny  looking very pale and with unfocused eyes .

Then he pushed the  nurse  who  still  hoped he'd let her install an  IV  and the doctor who was  still holding  the sling and ran to  Danny  who looked like he was about to pass  out.

" Danno ?  What's wrong ?" 

Steve's closeness and his characteristic scent mixed with the smell of antiseptic took  Danny out  of his stupor .

He  looked at  Steve  there ,  alive and right  in front  of him and threw himself into his arms ,  when  a  painful groan escaped Steve's lips , Danny  turned away and glared at the guy  in front  of him and started yelling . Steve  just smiled ,  he knew  it  was that kind of scream that had shown how  Danny  cared .

" What the hell were you thinking ,  huh ? I  almost had an  angina,  you idiot !"

Steve was absently rubbing his left shoulder and Danny narrowed his eyes. Shifting the focus momentarily from his hugged husband, he turned to the doctor who was looking impatiently at the two of them.

" What's wrong with him doc ?"

"In addition to the fact that he has arrived by ambulance in my ER, after a serious car accident, a mild concussion, stitches in the eyebrow and a dislocated shoulder that has already been reduced by the way, there is nothing wrong with him, detective Williams." The doctor said sarcastically and Danny could not blame him, Steve was always a terrible patient.

"I'm fine..." Steve started to say and both, Danny and the doctor looked at him with very deadly look and he stopped talking, sighed and sat back on the stretcher, much more compassionate with the confused nurse before him, still holding equipment for an IV that the doctor had prescribed.

The  doctor tried to calm down and went back to doing his work saying :

"He is not fine right now as he insists on saying, but he will soon if he allow that nurse give to him pain medication and rest one night at ER just to make sure everything is okay."

Danny knew it was a losing battle. Steve wouldnotbehospitalizedfor a concussion. It was not the first time his had happened and the detective knew exactly how to handle a concussion at home.

"I  appreciate your concern doc ,  but  I  know this  big  guy here and it's not the first  time  he  hits  his  hard  head so  I  know how to take care of  it  at  home  and you'll thank  me for it,  because he can be very aggravating  as a  patient on his best days.What clearly is not today ."

The  doctor looked carefully between the two men ,  assessing what might be the best decision ,  sighed and rubbing the  bridge  of nose with two fingers said authoritatively :

"Okay,  I'm going to discharge Commander McGarrett to your care , Detective Williams,  but not before this  IV  is  over." So the paperwork will be available at the nurses station with all the instructions and signs to watch. He needs to use that sling for  three  days too.  And I'm serious ,  it's the third  time  this shoulder  comes out  of the  joint  and it's getting serious ,  that arm needs  rest. "

"He  will  follow  all the instructions doctor , I  assure you ." Danny  looked at  Steve  who was clearly unhappy but resigned that there was  no  other way to  go home  today .

"Okay.  Any sign of very strong headache ,  disorientation or numbness  in  the  face  or limbs should be red signal to get back to the  ER  right away ,  am  I  being clear ?"

Danny  nodded vigorously and the doctor left the room clearly unhappy with the result and left the  detective  impatiently to  a Steve  almost asleep ,  courtesy of the pain drugs he was receiving directly  in  the veins .

Danny  then had few moments to breathe  in  relief .  Looking at his lover lying on the stretcher ,  tattered  T- shirt of the accident , a  spectacular black eye forming while trying  hard  not to sleep and losing the battle against exhaustion .

Danny still  wanted to scream at him  for  almost getting himself killed ,  but now ,  he just wanted to savor the fact that he  still  had  a  husband to whom to be exasperated .

* * *

 

About an  hour later  they were going  home.

Steve  was asleep  in  the  C amaro's passenger seat ,  snoring lightly .  Left arm resting  in  the sling  as  ordered by doctor .

He  had been completely silent throughout the discharge process and  Danny  knew he was  still  annoyed at the pre-accident conversation .

Danny knew he had been wrong and he was man enough to recognize, apologize and purpose a new conversation with the children. But for now he just wanted to get Steve to rest and recuperate. 

He  did not even know if he could be redeployed after being injured  in  this accident .

But he was not opening that can of worms now .

As  soon  as  they parked  in front  of the house , Danny  carefully shook Steve's good shoulder to wake him ,  but  Steve still  got scared and immediately sat up , making a  horrible grimace of pain and bringing his right hand to the immobilized shoulder .

" Hey ,  take  it  easy !  We're  home babe."

Still in deadly silence, Steve unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, walked stiffly to the door, pressed the alarm code fast as a bat fleeing out hell, got in and immediately headed for the stairs. Danny stayed in the living room, made sure everything was locked, went to the kitchen, picked up a bottle of water, separated the medicines that the idiot he loved would need soon and then also went the room.

He  entered the room and heard the sound of  running  water . Steve  was taking a shower .  Understandable . He  hated the smell of  a hospital  and always showered the first thing whenever he  came  back from the  ER.

Danny  arranged the  medicine  and water on the nightstand , set  the alarm on his cell phone according to Steve's prescriptions ,  and put on his sleepwear . He  had looked at the children and smiled  as  he found Kono sleeping on the spare bed by the  girls'  bedroom .

Minutes later Steve came out  of the shower , clean  but  still  looking bad  as  hell and  Danny  made  a face  of sympathy . The  left shoulder had  a  huge purple  hematoma  and was clearly swollen . He  was also limping slightly .  And the silence also continued . Danny  sighed ,  he could only control himself  for a  while .

"Will  you give  me  the silent treatment  for a  long  time?"

Steve still  did not answer . He  could be petulant when he wanted to .

" Forgive me ." Danny  said .  And he was putting all his sincerity  in  those two words ,  he hoped that  Steve  understood .

"Excuses aren't going to make Danny. You think this is all to easy for me. That I'm not suffering. I've never had anyone to leave behind worrying about me when I went on a mission, now I have a lot of people I'm letting down if I die in the war. This is not easy for me either Danny, try to understand this..."

Steve's words cut through his heart like knives. His Super SEAL was always a lonely guy, going on a mission leaving kids, partner and friends back was new to him. Of course the guy was suffering. Danny felt a fool not for the first time that night.

Steve  was standing , a  few paces away from the bathroom ,  looking unsteady on his feet ,  pale and clearly physically exhausted . Danny  quickly got up from his perch on the bed and stood by his husband's side and helped him to the bed ,  they could talk while they were comfortable .

"Babe,  I'm so sorry .  I'm really upset and terrified ,  but not with you .  You aren't to blame  for  anything and  I  really  apologize for  being  a  pain  in  the ass today when  I  should have been your support ,  having your back ."

Steve was listening to Danny in silence as he tried to make himself comfortable in bed. Danny rolled his eyes, the guy could nos ask for help even with a gun pointed at his forehead.

He propped up Steve's injured left side with pillows, lifting his bruised shoulder to make him more comfortable, wich earned him some painful grunts but then a relieved sigh when it was easier to lie down.

He stroked the bandaged cut on his forehead, kissed the slightly swollen eye, and smiled, t

"I get it now. Really. Getting a call saying that you were in the hospital because you had an accident made me see it all in a new light. We're going to talk better about it tomorrow, now you need to sleep and rest okay?"

"Yes Danno." Steve replied, practically asleep.  _Danno's_  use made Danny quieter. His big goof had forgiven him. 

 


	7. See you soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> First I did not die LOL!
> 
> My disappearance is because of my new job that is just crazy, I work a lot and I have very little time to write the story, translate it into English, try to review and eliminate as many mistakes and then post.
> 
> Although it seems so, I did not abandon the story. I sincerely apologize to everyone who has read, commented, left kudos and I have not done my part writing. I'll do my best to deliver the next chapter very fast.
> 
> I'm still without Beta so all my mistakes are mine.
> 
> Also as I said before, English is not my first language so there are going to be mistakes that I am doing my best to correct and avoid. In case you find something, I'm always very open to listen.
> 
> Now, let's see what matters, I hope you enjoy reading how I enjoyed writing.

* * *

 

The  day dawned completely sunny ,  like  Hawaii  every day .

Danny  stretched  out,  beside him  Steve  was dead to the  world. More  rare than the days that were not sunny  in Hawaii, it  was the days when  Steve  did not get up at dawn to run or swim ,  or both .  But today he was knocked  out.  Tiredness ,  pain ,  painkillers .

A  golden glow  came  through the bedroom windows and made  Steve look  almost angelic . Danny  smiled at the thought . Steve  and angels were  as  contrary  as  water and oil ,  but that was exactly how he looked now .

Steve  usually woke up completely stretched  out  on his back on the bed ,  his arms usually stretched behind his head or under the pillows ,  today only the right was  in  the  standard position,  the other was resting at his side .

The  injured eye was full blown purple now .  And  more  bloated . Just  like the skin around the bandage on the eyebrow . The  shoulder had also swollen  more  and was displaying  a  palette of purple , blue,  and red around the lesion .  This would be painful  for  several days ,  which made  Danny  think about how  Steve  would  go  on  a  mission wounded that way .

But he refused to allow that hope to dominate .

And they needed to talk about  it.

But  Danny  was not having any important conversation before he had breakfast .

Carefully pulling  out  of bed so  as  not to wake the sleeping beauty beside him ,  he headed  for  the bathroom ,  did his morning hygiene ,  and went down to the kitchen . He  made breakfast  for  him and  Steve  and went back to the bedroom and the  big  lung was  still  completely  in  Morpheus's arms .

" Hey  babe, time  to wake up ." Danny  gently stroked Steve's  face  that like  a  feline bent at his touch and mumbled something like five  minutes more. Danny  smiled ,  lay down next to his lover and began to plant  light  kisses on his bruised  face,  so  Steve  smiled and opened his eyes ,  or at least what was not bloated and almost closed .

" Good morning Danno ." Steve  said  as  he forgot his hurted shoulder and inadvertently turned on  it  just to growl  in  pain and  lie  down on his back ,  sweet moment completely ruined .

" Aw  babe ..." Danny  said ,  wrinkling his forehead sympathetically and stroking his bruised shoulder hoping the pain would ease .

" Remind  me  not to  do it  again ." Steve  said when  it  was possible to speak again .

Danny  smiled back ,  apparently his  big  goof was back .

"I  made breakfast .  You need to eat and then take your  medicine."

" Did you bring breakfast  in  bed  for me? I  thought you were pissed ..."

"I  already told you that I'm not pissed at you ,  but at the situation ,  and you're hurt by the rules of the house when someone is injured or sick gets breakfast  in  bed ." Danny  said smiling the smile that made  Steve  melt all fucking  time.

"I  need to talk to the kids ,  we need to  do  better than we did yesterday  Danny."

"I  know ,  when they wake up we'll talk to them ,  but you need to  rest."

"I  will .  I'm  sore  everywhere , I  hope  in  monday I'm  feeling  better  ..." Steve  stopped talking and sighed deeply when he saw the stare on Danny's  face. He  sat  straight  on the bed and hold Danny's hand .

" Danno ,  I'm sorry  for  that ,  but let  me  explain why even with  a bum  shoulder I'll  still  need to show up on Monday ." Danny  shook his head but could not  look  at Steve's eyes .

" I've been  in  the  reserves for  two years.Even though  I  maintain  a  healthy  diet,  exercise daily and  go  through the  HPD  physical evaluations with flying colors I'm completely  out  of shape  for  the SEALs.Then I'm going to  show  up on Monday ,  travel  for some  place where I'm going to  do some training  to regain my form and better understand the mission.Until everything is ready  for  action ,  I'll have recovered from that shoulder ." He  said everything with the care one has to explain something to  a  child ,  but by the end of the explanation  Danny still  could not  look  at  Steve.

" Hey  look  at  me." Steve  said  as  he lifted Danny's  face  so they were looking at each other .

"I  know it's painful  for  you and it's going to be terrible  for  the children ,  but  I  swore to protect my  country  one day and to  go  there also means to keep the  world  safer  for  you ,  which means all to me.I'll think  in  you every  minute  and that will give  me  strength to finish the mission and  come home  to all of you ." Steve  said all this by stroking Danny's cheek .

"I  know all this ,  but  it  does n' t make  it  easier to accept ."

"I  know ,  but let's make  a  deal , I  need to rest today and tomorrow ,  so let's stick around here , me,  you and the kids ,  watching nonsense on  TV  and enjoying each other's presence ,  what  do  you think ?"

"I  think it's an incredible idea , babe ."

Then the two kissed ,  sweet and slow ,  trying to  memorize  the smell ,  touch and feel of each other ,  since  it  would be long months before they had that opportunity again .

* * *

Saturday and Sunday were spent mostly between the bed and the loungers on the Lanai .

Steve  had been able to explain to children everything that was going to happen during his deployment and save  some  crying and tantrums ,  everything had gone well  in  the  end.

He  noticed  Danny  quieter and contemplative than  normal,  but he knew  it  was because of the fear of the unknown and he knew that if things were reversed he would be  feeling  just  as  upset .  But  it still  hurt to see the suffering he was causing to his husband .

They agreed that  Steve  would say goodbye to the children on Sunday night before they went to bed and  in  the morning before introducing himself to  Pearl  he would say goodbye to  Danny. It  would be like tearing his heart  out  of his chest ,  he knew .

* * *

There were tears and sobs among his children  as  he kissed them goodnight  for  the last  time in a  while ,  but  in  the end everyone was sleeping peacefully for the night . He  made sure to make the last night between him and  Danny  before the deployment nothing but memorable since  it  would be  a  good  time  before they would have any contact again .

He  explained that he had filled  out  the Navy documents by turning  Danny  into his immediate contact  for  any subject ,  emergency contact ,  and the first person to be informed of any matter about  Steve  during the mission .

The  Navy had recognized  Sarah  and  John as  their children and all the other bureaucracies were taken care of so  Danny  had nothing but  Five-0  and the kids to worry about .  Which was already  too  much to  do  alone .

As  the cab wandered the streets of  Hawaii  he made sure to keep  in mind  the better parts of the place that ever looked so much  a home  like now .

Steve  also remembered Danny's emotional farewell .

_ " Danno , I  don't know what to tell you , I  just want you to know that I'm going to fight with my whole being to  come  back  in a  one piece  for  you  ..." _

_ "I  know you're going to be , babe  and we'll be waiting  for  you here ,  because you're going to be back , Steven,  even if  I  have to drag your butt  off  anywhere  in  the entire  world." _

_ Steve  laughed ,  but  a  laugh that sounded  more  like  a sob. He  hugged  Danny,  buried his nose  in  his hair ,  memorized his smell ,  looked into sky -blue  eyes ,  and kissed him  as  passionately  as  the first  time  they kissed . _

_ Holding  his husband's hand ,  he stroked the wedding ring and wiped  a tear  that ran down his  face  without his noticing . _

_ " Hey  Steve! Focus, okay? I  need you at your best there ,  wherever you're going . No  distractions ,  I'll take care of everything here and you'll take care of everything  over  there with  a clean  head .  Don't be shot because you had your head  in  the  world  of the moon ! " _

_ Steve  smiled again , Danny in  rant mode was much easier to take . _

_ "I  promise  I  will not  do  any crazy things and  I  will think of you all the  time." _

_ " That's right ,  finish  off  that mission and head back to our  home,  SuperSEAL ." _

_ "I  love you Danno ." _

_ "I  love you  too, Steven." _

And so ,  Steve  left his house  for  God knows how  long.


End file.
